Dude, Where's My Landmaster?
by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus
Summary: Fox McCloud has an angry fit when he discovers during a Smash battle that his Landmaster went missing. This provides to the typical wacky shenanigans you would expect out of the Smashers. But someone will pay for taking the overplayed tank...
1. Chapter 1

It was a fine night at the Super Smash Brothers Mansion in Corneria, where everything seemed to be just fine. Your typical Smash Brothers battle was happening right now, on three different versions of the Great Fox, with one match being a Melee style match, the other being a Brawl style match, and the third and final match being a 3DS style match in Final Destination mode. Fox McCloud was close to victory as he obtained a Smash Ball, laughing as he prepared to unleash his Final Smash on Dark Pit, Lucina, and Shulk.

"All right, time to show you kids how we get things around here done!" Fox exclaimed as he then took a massive leap into the air, screaming, "**LANDMASTER!**"

But it didn't come. Fox was in disbelief as his eyes widened and his jaw dropped in disbelief, his Final Smash having been wasted due to his Landmaster tank not showing up.

"_What the fuck!?_" Fox exclaimed as he came back down, still glowing a variety of colors as he clenched his fists, gritting his teeth. "Where's my Landmaster!?"

Dark Pit, Lucina, and Shulk all gave each other glances as they blinked, with Fox cursing as he attempted to use his Final Smash again. Once more, there was no Landmaster.

"All right, what's the fucking catch!?" Fox cursed as he began stomping his feet, shaking his head as he fumed angrily. "This is such bullshit! My Final Smash won't work properly without my Landmaster!"

Dark Pit was laughing his head off, his hands on his stomach, with Shulk trying not to chuckle as Lucina began giggling, both of them having their hands over their mouths. Fox's right eye twitched as he glared at the three humans, barking angrily at them.

"_Shut up!_ This is not a joke!" Fox growled as he dashed towards them, pointing. "How would you like it if your Final Smash didn't activate!?"

"At least my Final Smash doesn't involve a big tank hat makes even Ridley look tiny in comparison!" Dark Pit teased as he poked in Fox's face, causing Fox to bite down on his hand hard as the black angel screamed in pain, kicking Fox in the balls, causing the anthropomorphic mammal to kneel down in pain as he held his greatly pained genitals.

Master Hand and Crazy Hand appeared on the stage, with Crazy Hand having some ham, of which was a bit crappy but he wanted to eat it regardless.

"Goddamn it, what the hell are you idiots wasting your time for?" Master Hand demanded as he clenched himself into a fist angrily. "People spectating this want to see a battle, not a soap opera!"

Shulk pointed at Fox as he glanced up at Master Hand. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but someone took his Landmaster."

"And we have no clue where it could be." Lucina added as she shrugged, shaking her head.

Crazy Hand then pointed to the northern direction, with a blue colored Landmaster hovering past them. "Is that it?"

Everyone turned their attention to the Landmaster, with Fox gasping in shock as he recognized it.

"That's MY Landmaster!" Fox exclaimed as he quickly recovered, charging up his Fire Fox attack. "The piece of shit who stole it thinks he or she or whoever the hell it is could get away with it, huh? Well, not on my fucking watch!"

"Fox, wait-" Master Hand was too late, as Fox already was heading towards the Landmaster, only to fall into the big blue sea below as he sighed, with the other three human Smashers looking at each other and shrugging as Crazy Hand continued munching on his crappy ham.


	2. Chapter 2

Fox McCloud was not going to rest until he managed to get his precious Landmaster back, as he was going through the dreaded Brinstar Depths, with Kraid popping out every now and then to slash the giant rotating platform in the middle of the volcanic stage. Donkey Kong and Jigglypuff were both on the stage, the two Smashers having a make out session with each other as Fox squinted his eyes in disgust, shaking his head.

"Can I ask you something?" Fox remarked as he pointed at the two, placing his right hand on his hip.

"Sure! Ask away!" Donkey Kong stated as he nodded.

Fox sighed as he shook his head, shrugging. "Since when did you and Jigglypuff suddenly become interested in each other?"

Donkey Kong and Jigglypuff glanced at each other, both of them laughing as they turned back to Fox.

"Oh Fox, it's always the kind you least expect. That's what makes life full of surprises!" Jigglypuff stated as she moved her puffy arms around, frowning as she lowered her eyes. "That, and we barely get any appreciation..."

"Yeah. It's bad enough that Sakurai is biased towards me, but so is everyone else that's into Smash Bros, more or less!" Donkey Kong replied as he clenched his fists, angrily showing off his teeth. "In fact, I get so much disrespect, they have me with my stupid bongos from Donkey Konga as my Final Smash again!"

The words 'Final Smash' triggered Fox, as he then collapsed on his knees, screaming as he looked up at the air.

"WHERE'S MY DAMN LANDMASTER!?" Fox exclaimed as his right eye twitched. "I KNOW IT'S HERE SOMEWHERE, BUT I CAN'T FIND IT! WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON THE THIEF WHO-"

Suddenly, a loud piercing noise was heard, followed by a huge roar of agony. All three of the original Smash veterans turned around, seeing a blue Landmaster hovering in the air and firing lasers at Kraid, who proceeded to slash against it. Fox yelled as he pointed at the Landmaster, jumping on Donkey Kong's head and then performing a Fire Fox towards it, only to be smashed into the red molten magma below by a swipe from Kraid, who then slashed the Landmaster off of the Brinstar Depths stage with a slash. Watching Fox scream from pain within the lava, Donkey Kong and Jigglypuff faced each other, shrugging as they proceeded to kiss each other again, both of them moaning in pleasure.


	3. Chapter 3

"I wonder how Fox is doing in his search for his Landmaster," Lucina remarked as she and Shulk were having tea with Lucario on the rooftop of Luigi's Mansion.

"I hope he's found it by now. I wouldn't really want to feel his rage if he loses all hope in getting his tank back." Shulk stated after taking a sip of his tea.

"Trust me when I say this. There's nothing more dangerous than a fox that loses its temper." Lucario stated as he placed some crumpets down on the tray, closing his eyes. "I painfully know some examples beyond Fox McCloud."

* * *

Speaking of which, our humanoid vixen was still on the hunt for his Landmaster, going around the giant punching arena used for Punch Out and Smash Bros battles, watching Little Mac attacking Ganondorf and Captain Falcon with relative ease. Fox watched as the F-ZERO captain was knocked out of the ring, landing on the floor.

"Falcon groan!" CF exclaimed as he felt his back crack, not being able to get back up and fight.

Fox rolled his eyes as he kept looking for his Landmaster, only to see a certain blue and white colored tank drive through the arena, scaring everyone watching as it flattened Little Mac and Ganondorf.

"MY LANDMASTER!" Fox exclaimed as he gave chase, only to be greeted with smoke as he coughed, unable to see where the Landmaster was heading. This didn't stop him, as he dashed right after it, willing to not give up his chase for it.


	4. Chapter 4

"Fuck... shit... crap... DAMN IT." Fox McCloud grumbled as he was bumping into everyone's favorite gimmick, the invisible coin blocks, trying his damnedest to find his Landmaster. He kept bumping into the annoying obstacles as he was on Yoshi's Island from Super Mario World, with black muncher plants popping up out of nowhere, Chargin' Chucks roaming everywhere.

Fox knew that the Koopa Football Players would be a major pain in his ass. He scouted the area, trying not to be flattened by the Thwomps that populated the area. Fox then headed towards the nearby castle, hoping to find what he was seeking in there.

"I don't know what Mario and Luigi see in this place. It's a dump." Fox growled to himself as he heard Lady Palutena fart loudly. He turned the corner, his eyes filled with disgust and horror as he saw the Goddess of Light taking a poop, on a toilet, you know IN THE BATHROOM... that was conveniently inside the castle.

"Fox! What the fuck!?" Palutena snapped as she farted a brassy deep pitched tuba toot, a huge splash following as she had herself covered with a newspaper. "First Grima comes in here to take my newspaper, now you!?"

"Ugh, no comment!" Fox snapped as he slapped his forehead, glaring at the pooping goddess, "Where is my tank? My baby? My landmaster!"

"...I don't fucking know." Palutena stated as she felt a huge rumble in her stomach. "Oh shit."

Palutena then farted so strongly, it destroyed all of Yoshi's Island, sending Fox high into the sky as he went blasting off again. He turned around, gawking in disbelief as he saw his Landmaster spinning by, pointing at it, with both of them going into different directions, much to the dismay of Fox.


End file.
